In January of 2012, when I was first diagnosed with RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Distrophy), I had no clue how I was going to live with chronic pain every day of my life. The surgeries for my breast cancer had saved my life, but had left me with a crippling nerve pain illness. What kind of life was it going to be if I was going to be in awful pain every minute of every day?

Like most people, I didn’t fully understand how debilitating pain could be. I used to hear people complain of pain and wonder, “Why don’t they take some medicine to fix that?” “It can’t be that bad.” Yes, it is “that bad” and worse. And sometimes no medicine or other treatment will help. I have a new respect for pain and a deeper compassion for people who live with it day in and day out. I am one of them now. I wasn’t five years ago.

When you live in pain, everything is filtered through it. You cannot escape it.  You eat your favorite meal, and you think, “This tastes good, … but … I … hurt.” You find yourself having a good time with your family or friends, and you think, “This is fun, … but … I … hurt.” You listen to your favorite song, and you think, “I love this song, … but … I … hurt.” No matter what you do, … you … hurt. Sounds fun, huh? It. Is. Not! I know you cannot imagine this, but there are times when I am not lovely to my family, and I am short with others because … I … hurt. Pain effects every part of your life. It effects those who love you. If you are not careful, it changes who you are.

I had a choice to make, I could live my life or stop living it, because … I … hurt. With God’s help, I have chosen to live. I want to be the one living my life, not pain. With time, I am learning a new normal. Now when I eat my favorite meal and I hurt, I just put more ketchup on it. And it tastes even better. When I have a good time with my family and friends and I hurt, they may see the pain in my eyes but I don’t let it stop us from having fun because of it. When I listen to my favorite song and I hurt, I turn up the volume of the music and turn down the volume of my pain and I sing along, sometimes loudly. Now for others listening, that is really painful.

Pain has taken a lot away from me, but given me more. I find more peace in nature, more joy in time spent with those I love. I have a deeper reliance on God and a genuine gratefulness for the health that I do have. Five years cancer free, baby! I am more thankful now for what I CAN do, and I try not to focus on what I cannot do, because that can take you down the road of despair and depression. Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt, and it was an ugly one.

I choose not to be what has happened to me, but what I can become because of it. No, it’s not perfect. Sometimes I am still very grumpy with my family when I am in pain.  I try not to be, but I am. Just ask them. And if you’re one of the ones I have been short with, I am truly sorry.

The doctors say there is no cure for RSD and my pain. Years after it began, I am still going to the doctor every two weeks and get nerve block shots so I can function. Sometimes the shots are in my back, sometimes in my neck, sometimes in the temple of my head, sometimes in the back of my mouth. Nerve pain with RSD  is weird like that, it is all over and it moves around. Sometimes it feels like little needles prickling me. Other times it feels like tiny electric shocks. And my personal favorite, when it feels like hot, molten lava pouring through the veins of my body. Joy.

Even though less frequent these days, sometimes I still get down and cry because of my pain and the feelings of hopelessness, because I don’t want to live like this the rest of my life. Like it or not, pain is an isolating feeling that attaches itself to you and you carry it along with you everywhere. You have to learn to live with it, else you won’t live at all.

When you have a conversation with someone, there are always three parties there—them, you and the pain. They often don’t realize the intruder is there. It is your lonely secret. If you don’t keep it at bay, chronic pain will rule your life. It will rob you of meaningful conversations with others. It will destroy relationships. You have to fight to overcome it. Sometimes it’s mind over matter. You know the old saying, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Viktor E. Frankl, both a concentration camp survivor and world-renowned author once said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Am I Superwoman? No, but I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. He is the only one who can take the bad in our lives and use it for good! He comforts us so that we can comfort others. He understands our suffering. He knows all about pain. When we hurt, so does He. And when we can’t …, He can …

Why am I telling you all this? Because there may be somebody who is hurting reading this today who needs this simple message of encouragement. You can do this.

There is help. There is hope. And His name is Jesus Christ.

He promised, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Isaiah 41:10: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Dear Lord: We know that, like death, pain entered the world because of sin. You are the Great Physician and able to heal all our diseases. I pray for each person reading this who is suffering. Please restore our bodies and take away our pain. Help us to trust You for Your bigger purposes in our lives when You don’t heal us.  May Your glory and love be seen in our brokenness. Thank You for Your grace to endure and Your promises to help us through the hard times. We are more than conquerors through Christ who loves us. Amen

Do you struggle with pain? If so, have you found ways to cope? Help to overcome it? I would love it if you would share your thoughts with our group by replying below, or contact me personally.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blogpost with others who may be hurting today. May God bless you and uphold you and your family with His righteous right hand today and bless you all with good health.